It's not a side effect of the cocaine
Hey,
Sorry I haven't posted in the last week. I have been having computer issues as well as not having internet at my Clyman house yet. I will probably post again tonight, but for now I want to mention some stuff that I have been thinking about during the week.
So, I am getting married this Saturday. I really hadn't been having any issues with commitment or anything, (which should surprise those of you that knew me before Jess) and I really wasn't experiencing too many pre-wedding jitters. I kinda got hit earlier this week though. I was talking to a guy at work, and he was asking me if all the planning stuff was going good. I mentioned that we were taking care of a few issues that had come up, but that the stress was more on Jess than me. Besides, I said, all I have to do is wear a tux and show up. And then it hit me. This is huge. This is a monumentally important day in my life. And I don't know if I'm ready.
So as I kept thinking about it, I realized that no matter what I did, or how long I waited, I would never be ready. Nothing could ever prepare me for this. I wonder if this is the way everybody feels before they get married. But what if this is supposed to be how I'm feeling? What if this is to teach me something? What if this is how God wants me to approach my relationship with Him? Stepping out even though I don't know exactly where I am going, simply because I know that I can't remain where I'm at? Maybe that is one of the things that God meant when He designed marriage to be a symbol of Christ's relationship with the church. Let me know what you think.
Sorry I haven't posted in the last week. I have been having computer issues as well as not having internet at my Clyman house yet. I will probably post again tonight, but for now I want to mention some stuff that I have been thinking about during the week.
So, I am getting married this Saturday. I really hadn't been having any issues with commitment or anything, (which should surprise those of you that knew me before Jess) and I really wasn't experiencing too many pre-wedding jitters. I kinda got hit earlier this week though. I was talking to a guy at work, and he was asking me if all the planning stuff was going good. I mentioned that we were taking care of a few issues that had come up, but that the stress was more on Jess than me. Besides, I said, all I have to do is wear a tux and show up. And then it hit me. This is huge. This is a monumentally important day in my life. And I don't know if I'm ready.
So as I kept thinking about it, I realized that no matter what I did, or how long I waited, I would never be ready. Nothing could ever prepare me for this. I wonder if this is the way everybody feels before they get married. But what if this is supposed to be how I'm feeling? What if this is to teach me something? What if this is how God wants me to approach my relationship with Him? Stepping out even though I don't know exactly where I am going, simply because I know that I can't remain where I'm at? Maybe that is one of the things that God meant when He designed marriage to be a symbol of Christ's relationship with the church. Let me know what you think.
posted by oneweekend at 7:16 PM
2 Comments:
I have read a couple of your posts after coming across your blog just this evening and find it compelling in the reading. I hope you don't mind. Three years ago I had cancer. Afer the cancer, I wanted to die because I was too afraid to live. I wanted to die because I didn't want to wait for the day when the cancer would return and take me again (it was an aggressive cancer which I have been told is likely to return). But I was scared and I didn't know how to live. I've learned an awful lot in three years. It's a pity really it took cancer to teach me those things.
All I can say to you is yes, you must step out and approach your relationship with your (future) wife the same way you approach your relationship with God. It's not easy - nothing that was ever worthwhile is.
Have you seen "Indiana Jones & the Raiders of the Lost Ark"...? Indy looks for the Holy Grail. At the end of his quest he has to go to a temple to get through a series of tests. He gets out on a ledge from inside a cave only to be met with a monumental chasm so deep he can't see the end of it and there is no bridge... or so it appears. He stops and looks out across the chasm, knowing that what he seeks MUST be there. He decides he needs to go forward somehow, there MUST be a bridge. He scoops up a handful of sand from the floor of the ledge and throws it out across the chasm... and it shows up an invisible bridge. That's only the start. Indy realises he has to put his faith in what he cannot see in order to achieve his aims. He has to believe that the bridge will hold him and allow him to cross.
This situation that you are in... both with your faith and with your impending marriage. You have to simply put your trust there... and know that it is well placed. I'm not saying to do it blindly - but in life nothing is worth doing if it isn't done properly or with 100% commitment. I don't think you are questioning your commitment to your wife - you're questioning your commitment to you and whether you will fail. You may fail. But there again, you may not. You will never know if you back away and don't try.
I sincerely wish you well.
Hey, man. i've recently been aquainted w/ your posts also, and i've been married for 1.5 years. It's great, and one of the reasons why is because, yes, we are lacking in a lot of areas, but that's why we have our relationship w/ Jesus Christ, and that's why he's now given you your wife! She is now an integral part to completing you and making you whole, and where you lack a lot of times, that is exactly where she will pick it up. Anyway, hope this helps or something.
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