There's a new laxative on the horizon

I don't really have much to say. Just some links to look at.

First, this is a really funny site.

Here is a really interesting article--probably the most spiritually challenging thing I have read in a while.

Check out this website. It is supposed to test your tolerance and/or biases. Tell me what you think about the test.

And, that's about it...

Making friends at the Slough of Despond

I hate when people tell me, "You have to check out this book--I know you will love it." It just bugs me. Do you realize what that really means? "I like this book, and since I view you on a relatively equal intellectual plain, therefore you will inherently love this book since I hold the ultimate moral/intellectual/aesthetic standard."

So I will not tell you that you should read The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell. Because honestly, I don't think you will love it. I did.

The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell: An Accidental Soldier's Account of the War in Iraq is a collection of stories told by John Crawford, an infantryman in the Florida National Guard during roughly the first year of Operation Iraqi Freedom. It chronicles, in a eclectic manner, his experiences from the beggining invasion until he returned to the US. He tells how he found out that he was going to Iraq while he was on his honeymoon, and how he had only two credits until graduation. He says that this book is "the story of a group of college students who wanted nothing to do with someone else's war." He tells of ineffective supply and incompetent leadership. His stories don't always have a conclusion, and he makes no effort to systematically develop the reader's understanding of his exact environment or fellow soldiers. He just tells stories.

To some of you, this book will be a vulgar collection of horrifying stories--swear words littered on pages of nihilism and despair. And if you get past the Army colloquialisms and the language that would peel the paint off of a wall, you will find yourself lost in a maze of relativism, conflicted emotions, and uncertainty. Uncertainty about everything other than the emptiness of existence. You may find this book depressing and confusing, disturbing and foreign.

This book represents something entirely different to me. His voice echoes the ones inside my head, and the tone of his writing brings back more emotion than could ever be absorbed. He struggles with his moral compass, just as I did, just as I watched every one of my friends struggle. We searched in vain for the same purpose and moral high ground. We reveled in the same sadomasochistic existence, knowing that as meaningless as today was, tommorrow would be worse. And some part of me loved that, took pride in the fact that I had broken through those limits where sanity was supposed to forsake you. And maybe sanity had.

In the end, this book allows me accept my experiences. It reminds me that my whole year wasn't a dream. I didn't imagine anything. This book gives me permission to move on, and to grow. To lovingly take my memories--my depression, my nihilism, my disillusionment--and lock them away forever. To lock them away in the same deep reccess of my mind that I locked away the memory of loved ones while I did my time in hell.

Suck-Blow-Jayhole

And so begins our second weekend of the tourney. My bracket contains only 9 of the Moderately-Not-Bitter Sixteen. I am now sticking pins in my Jayhawk, Syracuse, and Big Ten dolls. Yes, I have a doll for the entire Big Ten. And there will be pins. Lots of pins.

I have been putting together a blog dedicated to satire. Hopefully I will be able to put something up on it in the next few days. Check it out if you enjoy that adrenaline rush that comes when you back away from the computer really fast and pray that you don't get struck by lightning.

I found a website that compares Fight Club with Calvin & Hobbes. It is actually pretty funny and makes a lot of sense. Check it out here.

Go read P.Diddy's t-shirt

So, my bracket has survived moderately well, all things considered. 11 for 16 isn't too terrible. I can live with 70 percent. It should have been 12 for 16, but for some inexplicable reason, Steve Novak missed a wide open 3 to win the Marquette/Alabama game. Steve Novak can hit 9 out of 10 while sitting on the bench blindfolded. On the opposite end of the court.

And Syracuse. You know, I had a bad feeling about them. They just finished an emotionally and physically draining run through one of the toughest conferences in the nation. But I thought, "No, they are the hottest team in the country coming out of the tourneys--I have to ride them through the first weekend." Yeah. Good move.

At least UWM and Montana were good to me. That was thoughtful.

And yesterday I forgot to mention--Jess wrote up a sob story about me for some Qdoba contest. Unfortunately, it is all true. Go vote for me so I can get free Qdoba food. And vote for me on all of your emails. I know you have more than one. And vote using your parents emails. And your roommate's emails. And your mortal enemy's email. Vote or die.

Doug Flutie loves me

It has begun. Angel choirs are singing, the snow-filled clouds have parted, and a beam of heavenly light has fallen upon us. It is time for The Big Dance.

(pause for reverent expressions of joy)

So, my Final Four consists of Duke, Kansas, UConn, and BC, with BC taking it all. I know, BC. They gave me a scare this morning, but came back and saved my butt in double OT. We will see how long my bracket survives before being totally demolished. Odds are, it will be by some gay 14th seeded school that plays in the Mountain Western Ohio Valley Big Sun Blue Sky America Conference. Or some such gayness.

I have added some links to the sidebar. They are all awesome and you should check them regularly.

Also, I found an interesting discussion of the question, "How can the Bible be authoritative?" Be warned, it is an academic paper that is something like 20 pages long. But it is pretty interesting. Read it here.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

Jelly donuts and frat houses

I love crappy gas station cappucino. It's all sugary and nasty at the bottom, and it never has the right amounts of foam or coffee, but I really enjoy it. I don't know why. And, do you know what the perfect compliment to crappy gas station cappucino? Crappy gas station donuts.

The thing about crappy gas station donuts is that you never know how long they have been there. And it doesn't really matter. They taste the same after 4 days on your dashboard as they do when you buy them. It's beautiful. Gas station donuts are impervious to time.

So, imagine that you have a gas station jelly donut in front of you. And as you take the first bite, you come away with a mouthful of frosting, pastry, and wax paper. No jelly. So you take another bite. Still no jelly. Sure, the encrusted sugar frosting and somewhat flaky pastry will satisfy your need for a morning sugar buzz, but that's not why you got the jelly donut.

Sunday morning, as I sat through church, this was all I could think about. As the preacher talked about the tenth commandment, I kept thinking, "Ok, but where's the jelly?" Not once in the entire message did he talk about why coveting is wrong. About why it is one of the ten commandments. He talked plenty about coveting. Defining it, giving examples of it in daily life, and condemning it.

But never once in this message, or the whole series, for that matter, has the jelly really been talked about. That the Ten Commandments are there because God wanted to say to His people, "Listen--I am your God. I am everything. You don't need anything else. So respect that. Honor Me. Worship Me. And I want you to respect other people, too, because I am all that is Loving. Respect your family. Respect other people's lives, because I am all that gives Life. Respect your bodies, because I am all that is Pure. Respect their stuff, because I am all you will need. Respect your relationships with others by being honest, because I am all that is Truth. And you don't need other people's things, or status, or validation, because you have Me. And I know you, and I will take care of you. When you ignore these commandments, it will mess up your relationships on this earth. It will cause problems. But that's because you aren't paying attention to Me. You aren't letting Me be your God."

I think God chose those ten things specifically because each one reflects a human tendency to reject a specific part of His "God-ness." So, the way to deal with those sins is to study that part of His nature. That's the jelly. And that is what has been frustrating me for the past few months of church.

Anyways, in other personal news, the rest of the weekend turned into "My Life: Further Adventures in the Hazing Rituals of Life's Fraternity." If you haven't heard, don't ask me. Ask someone who won't tell you the story and then contemplate downing a bottle of sleeping pills. Or an entire bottle of Robitussin. Or muscle relaxants, sweet muscle relaxants...