Turd Ferguson

Here are my threeves.

CDs
1. Beatles -White Album
In my opinion, absolutely the best album ever. This album encompasses the amazing range of sound that the Beatles so flawlessly produce without ever seeming disjointed. I love this album.

2. Guster -Keep It Together
An awesome CD. Relaxing, thought provoking, wistful--everything an indie band should be.

3. Frank Sinatra vs Notorious BIG -Blue Eyes Meets Bed Stuy
Somebody took clips Frank Sinatra songs and used them as the choruses during Notorious BIG songs. Brilliant. It demonstrates that no matter what kind of music you sing, you can still marginalize women and abuse chemical substances.

4. Brand New -Your Favorite Weapon/Taking Back Sunday -Tell All Your Friends
These CDs are good when you listen to them separately. But when you listen to them together, these albums become something entirely different. Written by two best friends about the girl and the fight that tore them apart, these CDs explore the depths of betrayal, pain, and the fine line between love and hate.

Movies
First of all, I can't argue with Ryan's choices. Probably because he was one of the formative influences in my movie tastes. I think that those are five of the best movies ever. They would all make my top fifteen. But here is threeve of my favorite dramatic movies.

1. Pulp Fiction
Tarantino's best work. Reservior Dogs is more graphic, Kill Bill is visually stunning, Jackie Brown is crappy, but Pulp Fiction is just amazing.

2. The Godfather Part One
Do I really even need to explain myself on this one?

3. Fight Club
This is one of my favorite books, and oddly enough, I think it works equally well, if not better, as a movie. Brad Pitt and Ed Norton are two of the best in the business, and they are both at the top of their game in this movie. Visceral, raw, and uncompromising, this movie is amazing, but not for the sheltered or morally sensitive.

4. The Matrix Part One
This movie is kind of an action movie, kind of a sci-fi, and kind of a philosophical statement. I really like the way it is all blended with groundbreaking visual effects to produce a complete package.

5. Full Metal Jacket
Really the only military movie that really expresses the paradox of military service for an honest intellectual. And Stanley Kubrik rocks. But that's a different post.

Funny Movies
This is a totally different category, simply because in a funny movie, the emphasis is not on acting or cinematography, but on funniness. I know this is a difficult concept, but think about it for a while-- I'm sure you will understand eventually.

1. Zoolander
I just love this movie. I could watch it everyday and still laugh through the entire movie.

2. Office Space
The humor lies in the fact that we all know someone from this movie.

3. Anchorman
Will Ferrell plays a jazz flute and rides a unicorn in this movie. And Steve Carrell stabs a man in the heart with a trident.

4. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
This movie is hilarious. Words cannot describe the hilarity. You should probably just go watch it, because I really can't describe it.

5. Dodgeball
"I don't think Hallmark makes an 'I'm sorry your dodgeball coach was killed by 2,000 lbs of irony' card." You could literally quote any line from this movie, and it would be hilarious in its own right. Plus, you have to respect a movie that includes cameos from Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris.

Random Movies
Movies that don't fit into either of the above categories but that I think you should watch anyways.

1. Thank You For Smoking
I just watched this and laughed through the whole thing. But it really wasn't just a funny movie. It was so absurd and yet possible that it touched one of the latent fears of every idealist--a government that is as capitalistic as Carnegie and Rockefeller.

2. Napoleon Dynamite
Even though I still think this movie is funny and eminently quotable, I find it overwhelmingly ironic and sad that a movie about someone on the outer fringes of popularity has turned into a juggernaut of popular culture. What was a hilarious and delightfully indie movie is now sickeningly popular. Trendy young girls everywhere are wearing '80s snow boots and jocks are wearing "Vote for Pedro" t-shirts. Wasn't the point of the movie to examine the life of someone wanted to prove he didn't need the validation of the "cool kids" to be cool?

3. Saved!
An enlightening satire of evangelicalism and Christianity as it is viewed by mainstream society. It will make you laugh, step on your toes, and leave you feeling attacked and vindicated at the same time.

4. Hero
This movie would have made it into the top dramas except it is in Chinese. Beautiful cinematography, amazing use of color as a thematic tool, and a powerful meassage. Whatever you do, do not watch this with the English dubbing. Please, for your own sake, read the subtitles. When you listen to it in English, it just feels like a live action Pokemon movie.

Animated TV Shows
1. Family Guy
I love this show, and if you have seen it, I don't need to explain myself.

2. Looney Tunes
The basis of all of modern popular culture. Period.

3. The Simpsons
The basis of the next generation of popular culture.

4. The Boondocks
Aaron McGruder is one of the unrecognized giants of satire. In a world where random spoofing and mocking of popular culture is the norm, his work is textbook satire in its purpose, its characterization, and its execution. You need to read his comic strip and watch his show.


Books
That aren't the Bible.

1. Pardise Lost by John Milton
The most powerful use of the English language that I have ever read.

2. Republic by Plato
The basis of all Western philosophy.

3. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
If you haven't read this, I don't want to talk to you anymore. If you want to read it, let me know. I have three copies, just in case.

4. Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant
I haven't actually read this book, but I want to, and I think that if it was one of the threeve I had left, that I could discipline myself to actually read it.

5. America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction by the writers of the Daily Show
It's like the Daily Show does history class. And economics and political science. All in one.


Random Favorite Things To Do
1. Ride my motorcycle
0-60 in less than 3 seconds. Any questions?

2. Watch tv with one hand down my pants
It's not as perverted as it sounds. Think Al Bundy from Married with Children.

3. Mispronounce commonly used Spanish words
Like gracias, taco, fajita, and quesadilla.

4. Pirate music
Arrrgh.


Worst Paperback Novels I Have Ever Read
1. Anything by Louis L'amour
I read something of his while I was in Iraq during a particularly depressing time, and the book almost convinced me that the American way of life wasn't worth fighting for.

2. Deception Point by Dan Brown
Actually anything by Dan Brown before Angels & Demons and DaVinci Code is really, really bad. But Deception Point wins hands down because it includes guns that shoot bullets made of ice. The bullets then melt and are undetectable to police. Umm, yeah.

3. King of Torts by John Grisham
The book isn't actually that bad--it's pretty standard Grisham--but who would look at the title "King of Torts" and think, "Wow, I bet this one's a thriller!" Seriously. I think it is quite possibly the worst book title ever. Textbooks for upper level accounting classes have more seductive names.

4. Batman Begins, novelization by Dennis O'Neil
Ok, whenever the front of the book says "novelization by somebody, based on the original screenplay..." you should realize what is coming. And I guess I did. But I read it anyways. Now, I liked the movie, but if you are just novelizing a screenplay that depends on Katie Holmes to hold up half of the movie, you are in trouble. I am actually surprised this guy allowed his name to be put on this book.


Mustaches
I had already been planning this category even before Slim mentioned it in his comment. Their names are links to their pictures.

1. Rollie Fingers
If you know baseball history, I don't think I need to explain this. At all.

2. Adam Morrison
I know we all heard enough about this during March, but I still think it's awesome.

3. Lanny McDonald
Apparently, Lanny was a really good hockey player in the early '80s with the Calgary Flames. I couldn't care less. But look at the lip carpet on this dude.

4. Rusty Jones
I know, he is just a cartoon product logo. But I think he may give Lanny a run for his money.

Honorable mention: Kyle Orton- I firmly believe his facial hair was the key to the Bears success last year. In the huddle, the whole offense could nestle in his neck beard and stay warm, thus giving them an advantage over their opponents.

Are you reading 1% because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be reading whole.

This isn't going to be very long. I am headed across the lake to Michigan. Since my wife is from Michigan, I will refrain from any characterizations of that...umm...illustrious...state. Please feel free to express your characterizations in the comment area.

I just wanted to post to express the majesty of this past week's intellectual diet. In the past week I have read The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thorton Wilder, Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, and parts of Terror in the Name of God by Jessica Stern, Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, and George Orwell's classic 1984. I have also watched Citizen Kane, Blackhawk Down, Walk the Line, Shopgirl, Thumbsucker, Anchorman, Dodgeball, and part of Dirty Harry.

You should immediately drop what you are doing and go read all of these books, and watch all of these movies.

GodCon06

I think the problem with Christians is that we are too much like everybody else.

Yes, this is still Dale's blog. I am unfortunately not under the influence of any illegal substances, and I am not being held at gunpoint by the fundamentalist mafia.

But I stand by my previous statement.

How can the problem be that Christians still aren't different enough? Fundamentalism is militant on being clearly different when it comes to clothing, music, and entertainment. And evangelicalism's culture war rages on every day over homosexuality, abortion, politics, and even moderately crappy thriller novels that Ron Howard is making into summer blockbusters.

I have never been to a comic book convention. I have never actually been to any real convention before. I have been to a couple home and garden expos, and a bunch of flea markets, but I don't think those count. So I really don't have any experiential backing for what I am about to ask.

Who is the coolest kid at the Star Trek convention? Is it the guy wearing Abercrombie or is it the dude with the pointy ears and the comb-looking thing over his eyes? Why is that? What happened to the normal rules about cool and not cool?

I watched Star Wars Episode III opening weekend. The theater was pretty packed, but I still remember these two guys. One of them had his face painted to look like Darth Maul, and the other was dressed like a Jedi. And I remember that when they walked past me, they weren't embarrassed at all. They were really proud of their outfits. I'm pretty sure that they thought they were the coolest people in the room. I didn't know what to think. Part of me thought it would be really cool to walk around dressed like a Jedi. And the other part of me wanted to stay engaged.

I grew up in a world that normal people don't believe actually exists. Women never wore pants. TV was only for sports, and even that was carefully rationed. I never watched movies. Even animated Disney stuff. There was even a little while that I didn't wear shorts because some people thought they weren't modest. I could have gotten kicked out of the high school because I listened to Nat King Cole occasionally on the radio. Two of my friends (a guy and a girl) got kicked out for talking on the phone when they were in 11th grade.

The problem was that even though all of us were raised in a moral incubator, we still had problems. None of us related well to our parents or our peers. We were all violently insecure. Some of my friends dealt with mental or verbal abuse to varying degrees, from either their parents or the church/school staff. And I know of at least 7 people within a year or two of me who dealt with extremely serious substance abuse issues.

So, even though we were good at acting holy, we sucked at living.

Sometimes I imagine that we are all at this big Christianity convention. And everybody wants to be the coolest kid at GodCon. So we think of all these new ways to be a better Christian. We won't listen to this, and we don't want to be associated with those people. And this group has the newest technology, but these people have this killer marketing plan for their suburb. The group over in the corner thinks that they are the only people that have really figured out God, but everybody else thinks pretty much the same thing. This dude just wrote a book about why culture is headed to hell. And this guy thinks that if he is on American Idol he will be able to reach so many more people. These people are quoting the Bible to support the war in Iraq, and across the room these other people are quoting other verses to condemn the war in Iraq. And eventually people start sorting themselves out by who watches what, and who drinks that, and if your shoes are flat, and whether you read that version.

And the whole time, there is this guy standing by the bathrooms looking around. And he doesn't care what verses your four-point sales pitch uses. He doesn't need your cup of coffee or fancy booklet. He doesn't care about a tulip, or the distinctives of your denomination.

He wants to know why your life doesn't suck. He wants to know why he feels like there is this whole part of him that feels incomplete. He wants to know how you can lose your job, or your friend, or your car, and then get up in the morning. When that crap happens to him, he wants to drink the pain away. Or he tries to hurt his wife, or his kid, or himself. He wants to know why he shouldn't cheat on his wife, and why he should forgive his dad.

And he looks around, and he realizes that we don't know any of this stuff, either. He sees hotheads. He sees manipulators. He sees hypocrites. He sees people that get their validation by putting down the people around them, and he sees people who abandon their family to get ahead.

So he looks at us and he realizes that we are just like trekkies. We have this different way of dressing, and talking, and all of this stuff that we do. We have a totally different heirarchy of what is cool. And if you are good at being one of us, it is pretty validating. But we don't actually get it. We aren't any better at living--loving people, dealing with problems, living with a sense of purpose, keeping a steady moral compass--than anybody else.

Congraduation

Obligatory congrats to all graduates.
And to Josh, may he live forever; it's about time.
To my wife, I am so proud of you. And now you can be my sugar-momma.

A couple sites that you all should immediately check out:

For all of you who enjoy Jackson Pollock

Really funny motivational posters

REALLY funny parody of the DaVinci Code

My threeves will be coming soon.

Threeve

I was thinking today, and I was trying to figure out what I would do if I could only listen to three CDs for the rest of my life. Or read three books. Or see five works of art, watch three movies, sit on five couches--whatever. So I decided to ask for a little feedback from my blogdom.

Please leave a comment and tell me what you would do if you could only have 3-5 of whatever it is that you enjoy. And maybe, if you are good little commenters, I will tell you what 3-5 Cds, books, etc. I would choose.